Sunday, July 31, 2005

moments that create change (35 of 41 and counting)

She handed me what I could only assume was her list of grievances. I was lying on the couch watching The Simpsons trying to recover from surgery and the overuse of that little red button hospitals give you to kill the pain. Her list was written in tiny cursive handwriting in pale blue ink. I could not read it. I can not read people's handwriting. Sometimes printing but never handwriting. She knew that but still she would always write me notes, long messages on greeting cards, even shopping lists. Incomprehensible communications that would always provoke failure.

I don't know what her list said. I didn't ask. It was not the kind of thing I'd ask a friend to read to me. I can guess. There are logical guesses surely. We'd lived together for two years, tried merging disparate families, tried linking clashing lifestyles. She thought I was interesting and challenging. I suppose I thought she was safe and reassuring. I'm sure we both tried but it was probably a bad idea from the start.

She left for a week and I wandered the house angry and confused. When she came back I fled to a motel. On the night I went back for my stuff the house next door blew up. Some kind of gas explosion. I loaded the van in the light of the flames and all those flashing emergency lights.

© 2004-2005 by Ira Socol___________________________


Paul said...


Mary Godwin said...

For me the last moment was silence, no sound at all around the van. ...maybe slow motion, maybe not, but isolated silence ... an easing slowly into an all-of-a-sudden silence.

Adriana Bliss said...

This and the one below are fascinating, beautifully written moments of transition. I definitely hope you'll be posting more.

Richard Lawrence Cohen said...

Hi Ira: I'm posting this here because it's so hard for a non-xanga person to comment on your xanga site. Just want to say that I hope things are okay. It's eerie how many bloggers in my little circle, including myself, have semi-disappeared in the past two months. I hope it helps you to know that lots of people out here are eager to read you whenever you come back.

newspell said...

well... it's one forty three in the morning, and for some reason i am here. i woke up and thought "where can i find pure fiction? not diluted fiction. or p.c. fiction. but, pure... like golden honey fiction."

somehow i ended up here. it's a great blog... and i wonder if it's updated frequently now, or if the author is like myself... too tired to care.

eh, that is my own problem.

i am sure i will be back because your words are like chocolate covered coffee beans.

come on, you know you snickered a little...

just a little.

Anonymous said...

My auntie passed this article on to me. It has helped with my understanding. Hope it helps your readers

adhd specialist india
adhd specialist india

Children with ADHD

There is a perplexing state of affairs in today's society, there lies a strong correlation between the affluence of a society and the amount of disease that is present. There is also another correlation that troubles many a people and that is with affluence comes disease at an Earlier age.

Working with children and the parents of these children I often get asked the question, 'Why are Children with ADHD on the increase?'

The answer as you shall find is one that is both interesting and challenging.

Children of today are really no more different from the children of yesterday in terms of genetic makeup. However, if you examine the issue more closely you will tend to find that many children today have been given labels. For example, 'Oh, those are children with ADHD' or 'Those are the children who can't sit still.' Or 'That is the kid that always gets into trouble.'

These labels are not only destructive but also become a self fulfilling prophecy as it is repeated adnauseum.

So as a 21st century parent or a parent with a child with ADHD or a parent with children with ADHD, what knowledge framework do you need to equip yourself with to ensure your children live out their true potential?

Here is a quick reference list for thinking about ADHD
� ADHD is a source of great frustration because it is misunderstood
� ADHD medications are a great short term time buying device and should be avoided long term
� The above point goes for any sort of drug consumption. Think about it for a minute. Unless you have a biochemical deficiency in your body like Type 1 diabetes where your body fails to produce enough insulin or any at all, why would you take an external drug? A body that is in balance is totally healthy. It is only when the body is out of balance that dis-ease symptoms start to creep up.
� ADHD is a biochemical imbalance of the mind and body.
� The Head of Psychiatry in Harvard states that drugs for ADHD simply mask the effects of ADHD. It does not cure ADHD. This is an important point because a cure implies never to have to take the medication. This means that once you start on medication you will have to be on it for the rest of your life i.e. you have medically acquired a dependency for a biochemical imbalance. That is like stuffing all your rubbish (problematic behaviors) into a closet (medication) where no one can see it. But if you continue to stuff more rubbish into that closet, one day you will not have enough space and need to do one of two things. You either empty the rubbish (the natural conclusion) or you get a bigger closet (i.e. change to stronger medication to control the symptoms). The choice is obvious but sometimes when you don't have the necessary tools to deal with ADHD you tend to think the bigger closet is the only option.
� ADHD children are super sensitive to the emotions around them. Often they pick up emotional cues from their parents without realizing. Many parents come home frustrated or annoyed from work, the child with ADHD picks this up and starts to 'cause trouble' by becoming restless. Parents frustration increase because they just want some peace and quiet. They get angry which in turn is picked up by the child who then intensifies their activity. Things get way out of hand and some sort of punishment is handed down to the child who has no idea what just happened. The cycle repeats itself every so often.
� Our brains are wired emotionally. Positive praise is interpreted as an analytical/thinking exercise. Negative criticism including scolding, name calling, physical punishment all go directly to the emotional brain of children with ADHD. This means in order to ensure you get your message across in the most optimal way, you need to learn how to communicate with your ADHD children the way they like to be communicated with.
� Every negative comment requires 16 positive comments to neutralize the emotion. Save yourself the frustration and agitation by practicing positive communication.

The list is by no means complete. In dealing with children with ADHD there are a certain set of behavioural principles to follow. I will detail these steps in the coming weeks. I'll also build on the list as you continue to learn about what appears to be a mystical disorder known as 'Children with ADHD'

Matt said...

I really dig this "moments that create change" series you've got started. I'm looking forward to reading more.